


Not Over You Just Yet

by PastelPinkDahlia



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 18:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10905069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelPinkDahlia/pseuds/PastelPinkDahlia
Summary: Time has passed since the murder of Jason Blossom and everyone has moved on. Everyone except Kevin.





	Not Over You Just Yet

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the first works I've ever written in English (and published!), so please have mercy on me since English is not my mother tongue and there might be little mistakes that I didn't notice. If you find any, feel free to tell me so I can improve! Apart from that, I hope you enjoy this little idea of mine which was inspired by the song "Not Over You Just Yet" by The Brilliancy.

_I made up every single word I said about us to my friends_  
_I simply could not face the truth I hope that you will understand_  
_Now I know I should have been there like you said_  
_And I know there's no use drowning in regret_

_But I'm not over you just yet_  
_Cause deep inside I know that I'm the reason that you left_  
_I'm not over you just yet_  
_And I'm not sure how over you I'll get_

_And now I drive home every night_  
_Playing it over in my mind_  
_Yeah, I drive home every night_  
_Wondering why I let you walk right out of my life_

We sat in a booth at Pop’s just like we always did. Betty, Veronica, Jughead, Archie and me. Betty laughed about something Archie had said while almost spilling her strawberry milkshake while Veronica just rolled her eyes at me with a smile. It was like it had always been. Almost as if everything about Jason had not happened, as if it was just a story the kids told each other to scare themselves. But it wasn’t.

Two months had passed since the murder of Jason Blossom had been solved. Two months since Clifford Blossom had hanged himself. Two months since Joaquin had left.  
It seemed like everybody had forgotten what had happened this summer or refused to think about it since the day the newspapers had said that Clifford had killed his own son. The case was closed, just a dusty file in the back of my Dad’s closet and nothing worth talking about anymore. Of course there had been rumors and tons of gossip after Cliff was found dead, but even this didn’t last long. It took most people about two weeks and then they were over it. Murderer had been caught, was dead, case closed.

I felt like I was the only one whose thoughts constantly wandered back to the time when we didn’t know who killed Jason. The time when I had met Joaquin. The time of secret dates and hook-ups, of climbing though windows to hide in closets whenever someone came in, the best time of my life.

I missed Joaquin. When he left, I had been angry at him, disappointed and it was almost easy to let him go with these feelings boiling inside me. But time had passed and I had thought about him and his behavior endless times when I couldn’t sleep at night, clinging to one of his t-shirts that he had forgotten in my room. And I understood. I understood why he acted the way he did, I got why he never told me before or why he had to leave. And all of this didn’t help me forget him and by now I felt like forgetting Joaquin was impossible.

I had told myself that I would be over him faster than I thought, that I would delete his number and all of his texts and throw away his t-shirt and never think of him again. I hadn’t known then that I wouldn’t do any of these things. On the contrary, Joaquin was the only thing I could think about. Where was he now? Was he alright? What was he doing? I wanted answers so badly, but he never replied to any of my texts.

“Kevin, are you even listening?” Veronica snapped her fingers in front of my face, making me jump. “Yeah, of course”, I said quickly, not having heard a word of what she was saying and she knew, I saw it in her eyes, in the way they got all soft and in the way she gave me a compassionate smile.

I was sick of my friends’ sympathy. I knew that they meant well when they said that I’d meet another guy who was so much better for me than Joaquin and that I wouldn’t even remember his name soon. But they were wrong. Two months had passed and I still saw his face whenever I closed my eyes, I still remembered the way he used to touch me, the way he kissed. I hadn’t forgotten a single thing. But I had to quit. I had to forget him. And I would start right now.

“You know what? I’m sorry for not listening, Ronnie, but I just decided to finally get over him and start looking for new guys. I need distraction. I’m coming to your party tomorrow.”  
I was surprised at how easily these words slid off my tongue although deep inside I knew that they were lies. Nevertheless Veronica beamed at me, pulling me into a quick hug. “Now that’s the Kevin Keller we all love! Good boy”, she laughed happily. I was almost sorry for lying to her like that, but I couldn’t stand her sympathy anymore. I wanted to be treated normally again.

When I drove home from Pop’s this evening, I pulled the CD Joaquin had made me out of my car’s CD player and shoved it into the glove compartment. No more aimlessly driving around at night, listening to his favorite music and replaying every moment we shared in my mind. I had done this countless times and it never did me any good. I had just ended up crying in the middle of nowhere, having to pull over until I could see again. Not anymore.

 

When I arrived at Veronica’s place the next day, I already hated myself for telling her that I’d come. Yesterday it seemed like a good idea to pretend to be over him when in reality I was far from it. But now I had to stick to the plan and get this over with. At least there was alcohol.

The last party I had been to was Jughead’s birthday and the thought made me sick. I had been there with Joaquin, making out with him in the kitchen, going down to Sweetwater River afterwards. The thought of him made my chest ache and I went straight for the living room cabinet in which Veronica stored the liquor. I rarely ever drank, but I had once or twice with Joaquin, him laughing at my face after I had downed my first shot of Whiskey and him teaching me how to swallow everything in one gulp. God, I missed him and the thought made me angry so I chose Vodka and I drank it in two swigs and then I took the bottle and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me before the tears started to fall.

I wanted to be over him so badly, I wanted to forget him, to be able to delete his number and to laugh with my friends again. I wanted the hook-ups without any responsibilities, the guys that had never meant anything. I wanted myself back. Myself before I had met him.

I didn’t know for how long I was in the bathroom, just thinking and drinking, but by the time I emerged, most people were gone and the ones that were still there were as drunk as me. “Kevin, I was looking for you! Are you alright?” Veronica was a little tipsy, even I could see this, otherwise she would have noticed my puffy, red eyes and wouldn’t have believed my answer. “Yes, of course, I haven’t felt better in ages, Ronnie”, I slurred, not even knowing why I was lying to her, but she bought it, giving me a smile and a thumbs-up and then she was gone. And I decided to leave.

When the cold air hit me, I felt myself sobering up a little. I didn’t know what time it was, but the night was eerily quiet in that special way it only was in the early hours of the morning. No cars, no people, not even a bird singing. I enjoyed the silence while I walked home slowly, careful not to trip and fall.

It took me a minute to find my keys and another minute to get them into the keyhole, but I was surprisingly quiet for someone who was drunk when I stumbled up the stairs into my room. I fell onto my bed, the walls spinning around me. Instinctively my hands looked for the t-shirt and clutched it to my chest, breathing in the familiar smell that vanished more and more with every passing day.

It was in this moment that I knew I wouldn’t be over him in a very long time. Maybe I would never be completely over him. But that was okay, because that was just the kind of thing that happened with first boyfriends. They stay in your mind forever, no matter what happens or who you meet. They are always there. And maybe nobody is really over their first love and maybe no one ever will be. But that was just the way life worked, I guessed. And for the first time in two months I fell asleep almost immediately after I closed my eyes and didn’t dream of black hair and snake’s eyes. And maybe that was a small thing, but it was a start. And this was everything I had wanted.


End file.
